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I saw a bandwagon the other day, driving at high speed on through Urban Outfitters (*disclaimer- I feel the need to ensure you all that BY NO MEANS can I ever be considered, nor would I ever want to be, a "hipster" in any sense of the word. I was there for my regular sticky sumo wrestler shopping, as my current sumos were covered in chest hair longer than their body lengths.)
Now it's not abnormal to see bandwagons sailing through Urban Outfitters, but this bandwagon stood out to me due to its big THE HISTORY CHANNEL ROCKS bumper sticker.
It was a book named something like "100 Jobs Worse Than Yours," which was very reminiscent of of "Worst Jobs in History" on the all-hitler-all-the-time network. Hmmm educating people about bad professions now THERE's a bandwagon I can jump on with both feet, and fall off, and get my shoelace caught, and get dragged down the road by the wagon for three and a half miles.
I now bring to you all Colleen's WORST JOBS EVER!
Worst Job Ever #1-LOTTERY WINNER
I would never want to win the lottery. First off, that big check would never fit in my work bag. I mean maybe if I folded it like 9 times, but according to that science experiment with newspaper you can't fold anything in half more than 5 times. Scientifically, folded or unfolded, this job sucks. I could just wrap string around it and fashion a handle, but then it would be such a pain in the ass to carry on the subway. People cursing left and right. Me not having any real control as the train jolts make my giant check knock over a midget. This job not only sucks, but now it's politically incorrect. If I finally made it through the handle fashioning, the train ride, the lawsuits from little people, and the embarrassment of everyone in the bank line staring at my package, I'd then have to figure out how to get it through that slot at the bottom of the teller's window. I'd push and shove and accidentally break the cardboard. Finally have a fit and start to tear and scream my giant check to bits.
Moral of the Story Kiddies:
Lotto Winner=WORST JOB EVER!
...that and you should clean out your belly button periodically, cuz it gets weird in there if you don't.
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