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After my quite unsuccessful Official Try To Live Like A Two-Toed Sloth Weeka few months back (where I attempted to not go to the bathroom for seven straight days. I suck. I seriously only made it like 14 hours. I didn't even get a proper UTI or anything. How I long for neon orange pee...*sigh), I decided I'd attempt another Official Try To Live Like A...Week.
This week I decided it shall be Official Try To Live Like A Great Horned Owl Week!
First step was simple. All I had to do was make sure that a woman with exceedingly large eyes procreated with a man with exceedingly bright colored eyes and produced a human baby child of the female gender who happened to incase my soul. Piece o' funfetti cake! (as the kiddies would say)
Next I had to catch and eat some prey. For the sake of suspense I won't tell you what I caught quite yet, but I can tell you it could have done with some A1 or maybe some Shake-N-Bake crust...perhaps a side of cheesy potatoes...I digested for a few hours and then viola! I made my first ever pellet (a.k.a. owl puke)right in the middle of an Access database update! Boy was my boss proud!
 As you can see from this photograph (see below), when owls vomit up the skeletons of their prey, they create internal plastic zip-lock baggies, as well as creating aluminum foil. It's a little known fact that 2/3 of the world's aluminum foil comes from owl puke. The other third comes from my grandmother's fridge. For the record creating internal aluminum foil, gives you gas...or maybe that was just from eating "Yummy Taco" after midnight.
Speaking of yummy...
Since my short term memory sucks and...and...wait what was I going to type again?
Oh, fuck it. I'm bored. I might as well poke around in my pellet. Pellets are like Cracker Jack boxes, only when an owl eats an animal with a tattoo and it's later regurgitated it doesn't leave a giant read blob on the back of their feathers. This isn't a clown! This is a giant red blob!
Colleen, don't whine. Just pretend it's the clown's nose. All bright and red and... Poppycock!(mmmmm poppycock.)
Hey look! I ate a mouse! And a paperclip! (I gotta stop hanging out with MacGuiver when I'm trashed.) But wait a minute...one jaw bone, two jaw bones...THREE jaw bones? I think I just discovered a new breed of mice! No...wait. 
There's another skull.
I friggin' ate two mice? Man, there goes my diet. Now, my thighs are going to blow up like two giant air-filled bowling bumpers from the 80's...
PREVIOUS LLA!............................................................NEXT LLA!
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