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Stupid Playground Game
EXT. School Playground- DAY
Three girl scouts, all about 10 years old are standing on a permanently painted hopscotch grid on the ground, though not playing the game. JEN and BECKY, as trendy as 10 year olds can be, are wearing uniforms covered in badges, one heavyset girl, MAGGIE, wears only five or six badges on her entire vest.
MAGGIE: So how many badges are you getting tomorrow?
JEN: More than you, lard belly.
BECKY: Yeah, a whole lot more, jiggle butt.
MAGGIE: My mom says my body’s just getting ready for winter.
JEN: Oh shut up Maggie!
BECKY: Yeah, shut up or I’ll tell Keith Meyer that you looove him.
MAGGIE: Noooo!
BECKY: Anyone standing on the hopscotch loves Keith Meyer!
Becky and Jen jump off of the board and both hold Maggie in place in the middle of the painted hopscotch board, she struggles to break free.
MAGGIE: Cut it out!
They let her go. She’s annoyed but doesn’t leave.
JEN: You really do love him don’t you! I can see it in your eyes. You want to pop out lots of babies with his last name! I hear you wrote his name all over your Social Studies notebook!
BECKY: And I hear that anyone standing on the hopscotch smells like farts!
Again they jump off and hold Maggie struggling in place.
JEN: Ooooh Maggie’s on the hopscotch!
There is an audible fart noise. They sniff the air.
BECKY: Did you just fart?
JEN: Ew she just farted!
MAGGIE: No…no I didn’t!
Maggie is let go. She slinks off the grid again.
JEN: First one on the hopscotch doesn’t have to do their homework!
Jen and Becky jump onto the board, Jen landing first, and block it from Maggie as she tries to step on. She sulks once more.
JEN: (handing her books to Maggie)
Okay, I’ve got to memorize the Magna Carta and write the spelling words ten times and…
A teacher, MR. STRAUSS walks past and stops at the hopscotch court.
MR. STRAUSS: Jen, you know how I gave you homework? Well, I changed my mind.
BECKY: Yay!
MR. STRAUSS: I only changed my mind about Jen.
He takes Jen’s books and leaves. The girls stand there confused, staring at each other.
BECKY: First one on the hopscotch…um…knows the Magna Carta by heart.
Becky jumps on the board. Maggie and Jen stare at Becky.
BECKY: (finally, said incredibly fast) FIRST, THAT WE HAVE GRANTED TO GOD, and by this present charter have confirmed for us and our heirs in perpetuity, that the English Church shall be free, and shall have its rights undiminished, and its liberties unimpaired. That we wish this so to be observed, appears from the fact that of our own free will, before the outbreak of the present dispute between us and our barons.
She covers her mouth quickly in shock.
JEN: Wow! That was so cool! I want to try! First one on the hopscotch has lobster for lunch!
She jumps on. Opens her lunch sack and pulls out a lobster.
BECKY: First one on the hopscotch owns the world’s most expensive diamond necklace!
She jumps on. The necklace appears.
JEN: First one on the hopscotch is the world’s richest zillionaire!
Jen jumps on first. A group of people with balloons run across the stage along with Mr. Strauss.
MR. STRAUSS: Jen, your mother just hit the mega zillions! Don’t even worry about the recess bell! Do whatever you like! You get an A in everything! When are you turning 18 again! Oh I jest! Congratulations again! I’m going to go and sleep with your mom!
MAGGIE: This is sooooo amazing!
BECKY: (whining) I want to be a zillionaire. First one on the...
JEN: (sing-song) Becky is a copycat.
BECKY: (she lets out a aggravated scream)
Well, first one on the hopscotch is married to Brad Pitt!
VOICE FROM OFFSTAGE: Look it’s Mrs. Brad Pitt!
JEN: First one on the hopscotch is Brad Pitt’s next wife after he divorces you!
VOICE FROM OFFSTAGE: Look it’s Mrs. Brad Pitt with his not as attractive ex Becky!
BECKY: Ahhh! Last one on the hopscotch will get a terminal disease, loose all her hair and die!
MAGGIE: What?
She grabs Maggie and pulls her on, leaving Jen as “last”. Jen’s hair falls off and she starts to die.
JEN: (as she is dying) First one on the hopscotch will *cough* give her terminal disease to the second one on the hopscotch!
Jen jumps on and pulls Becky onto the hopscotch. They both start to cough violently, Becky’s hair falls off, and they collapse down dead.
MAGGIE: Guys?
Maggie prods them, they do not move. She smiles. Maggie rolls their bodies off the hopscotch.
MAGGIE: First one on the hopscotch can fly!
She jumps on and prepares herself to fly. She jumps up with her arms in the air. She doesn’t even get an inch off the ground. She jumps repeatedly attempting a running start, a squat to jump. Finally she gives up.
MAGGIE: Stupid playground game.
The recess bell rings. She walks off, climbing over the dead bodies of Jen and Becky.
-FIN-
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