Let's Learn About!: Let's Learn About the Dill!<br>I Saw The Sign & It Opened Up My Eyes Really, Really, Really Wide

1.13.2005  

Let's Learn About the Dill!
I Saw The Sign & It Opened Up My Eyes Really, Really, Really Wide


Ten Little Known (9 are even true) Facts About Phyllis Diller

  1. Was a housewife in a San Francisco suburb with five children and an under-employed husband who eventually convinced her to make money with the talent she regularly displayed in PTA skits


  2. Received her first national exposure as a contestant on Groucho Marx's '"You Bet Your Life" (1950)


  3. Has had numerous face lifts, a popular topic in her comedy routines. (which may explain why she doesn't seem to have the ability to close her mouth or eyes anymore)


  4. Briefly served as honorary mayor in the affluent town of Brentwood, California.


  5. Really, really likes the pianist...if you know what I mean. (oh wait, I read that one wrong...she WAS a pianist before she became a female comedian, which could lead to a whole new slew of tasteless comments)


  6. Nominated for the Rock and Roll Hall of Shame for her recorded version of the Rolling Stones' "Satisfaction." (which might have been related to her lack of pianist jobs at that point in time)


  7. Her "husband" FANG doesn't exist


  8. Her second marriage, to actor Warde Donovan, lasted only nine weeks


  9. She had a cameo in the video for "Love You Madly" by Cake


  10. She will rip out your soul, sell it to a homeless man in exchange for a shoe soaked in whiskey; murder small children by putting land mines on the "5" of every hopscotch board in the world; fill out your email address on 1,000,000 website to spam-spam-spam your inbox (she might have already done this...if you are getting spam, most likely PD is to blame); call up your mother and pretend to be from Godiva Chocolates saying she won a prize...but she'll never send the chocolates making your post-menopausal mom experience chocolate deprived PMS once more; take all of the raisins out of your Raisin Bran box and replace them with grapes; sing Ace of Base song melodies, but replacing all of the words with one singular repeated and repeated DILLER! while dancing her 90 year old version of the bunny hop...without...wearing...a...bra....Aaaaaahhhhh!
Phyllis Diller: comedian, feminist pioneer, scarier than a Three-Eyed Monkey.



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